.

loose strings untie quickly

when i was a baby
my soul was stolen
so i have never lived a day of my life
free of the fear
it still haunted me as i got older
as i realized what was what
and that no one would talk
no one would explain
no one would listen
and no one would take the blame.

when i was a girl
my heart was broken
by a boy id loved since i chased him at recess
and even though i said no
and even though i bit down
and even though we were in the back stairwell
by the sophomore lockers and the guidance offices
i was forced to chew and swallow
that bloody fleshy pumping thing
knowing then that my sweet tasting heart would only know pain.

when i was a woman
my body was opened
the pain was unbearable as i ripped in two
and that constant ache in my tummy
even after all the tests the doctors have run
not the surgeries or the six pills a day
can make it go away
and i feel always that i will never be the same.

so you know what?

we werent soulmates
because i dont have a soul.

my heart didnt belong to you
because i digested it long ago.

and you never, ever touched me
because there is nothing tangible or whole.

im just a lot of thin air
and hopefully soon ill finally just vanish
alone.