.

i am just a silly little girl


ill tell him what he wants to hear and smile at all his subtle jokes.
tell me about your bad day, i don't care.
watch me listen, nod my head, and look you in the eye.
all the while i am thinking will he kiss me tonight?
do i want to kiss him too,
just because i can?
because i can…
i can get on top.
i can push him on the bed and bite his lip and make him kiss me.
i can taste the vodka, i can taste the scotch.
i can scratch my nails down his back and dig my canines into his shoulders.
there is no love in this hate.
fuck me so i can fuck you.
i dont have a soul.
lay me down and wait until the dawn breaks.
all i will want is a big arm wrapped around me.
it will mean nothing in the morning.
but for those few moments, when the need is so strong and obvious.
when the urge is real.
when the care exists and you want to hold me tight and tell me it will all be right.
i push through monotonous days for these minutes.
i punch myself in between my thighs to leave bruises where they so obviously should be
and i crack my jaw
so i can open wide
and take all of you inside.