.

guard your heart like treasure


my foot is asleep like my calve is asleep like my
knee is asleep like my stomache is asleep like my
heart is asleep like my mind is asleep.

i sit here and type and hope the words sound right and
maybe you will understand and they will make
sense and you will be interested and you will like
me. my speakers push the notes into the air and
this voice sings some silly lyric to me about if
you still care at all and if you love me at all and
boring stupid unoriginal emotional bullshit.

because if you love me at all you will call. and i
am waiting to not study and to not clean and to
not socialize but to go stare at a screen and
pretend that makes these people my friends.

pictures of sunshine and summer adorn my
walls and my feet remind me of summer and
warmth and home and what it used to be and
how it could be and how i always try to be.

but i
never am how i always try to be.
i always fall short.
i am tired of falling short.
i want to be big
and tall and strong like an elephant.
and an
elephant never forgets and neither do i.
neither
do
i.