.

the shots arent working


sometimes i feel like my mind is numb to the pain of anything
other than him yelling at me that its time to fucking change.

and

sometimes when the tears fall wet and hot down my cheeks
im surprised that theyre there, that i still have the capacity to weep.

and

sometimes my head aches in the morning as soon as i open my eyes
so i throw the covers back over my head and try unsuccessfully to hide.

and

sometimes i dont want to explain myself anymore
i just want to be left alone shivering on the cold tile floor.

because

sometimes my love is so gut wrenching and sick
that i lie there throbbing till nothings left but the prick.

and then i think to myself
how perfect and sweet and incredibly
un flawed
that he can mutter under his breath
while leaving me
thank god.